That time when you threw up on a boat in Florida

Dear Reader,

Long time no sea. No, seriously. It has been ages since Yoda and Dalek have ventured to the warm sands and blue waters. Now that autumn is slowly taking over and painting the town orange, I, as a wise being, can only reminisce about careless days spent in the sun during our visit to Key West, Florida with my mum-in-law aka The Mothership.

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It was a sunny day in Key West and the three of us were having lunch at Latitudes. We were keeping it quite light, since we were supposed to go snorkelling later with a group of travellers. Anyway, we finished our delicious lunch and started making our way to our hotel to change and pack our swimsuits. The Mothership and Dalek were joyfully skipping ahead, visibly excited, and were marvelling at the gorgeous weather.

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Loading up in peaceful surroundings

I, Yoda, had no time for such tomfoolery; lurking behind a ridiculously wide-brimmed hat and sunglasses, I was quite busy tending to my throbbing headache, battling nausea and muttering Shakespearean curses under my breath. Now, dear Reader, you must understand that despite being one of the Masters, Yoda’s mortal body refuses to cope well with excessive sunshine and heat. Why it can’t be ambient all year round is beyond my profound wisdom. However, I can assure you that my spiritual powers remain unaffected by the vagaries of Nature and such forces.

Coming back to the story, Dalek, Mothership and I got on a boat full of fellow travellers to snorkel amongst the beautiful reefs. As the boat was being steered deeper into the ocean, Mothership was scanning the horizon for possible spiritual enlightenment, Dalek was busy fussing over trivial things like life jackets and safety and I was fervently wishing for death. As the afternoon progressed and the temperature swiftly increased, my wish slowly morphed into a plea to the Universe. However, I didn’t want to spoil the trip with my trivial physical ailment. “After all,” I thought, “I am certainly beyond the shackles of a body.”

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Calm before the storm

Well…turns out that even I, in my infinite wisdom, am yet to conquer the body and its strange ways.

A session of snorkelling later, I clambered onto the boat, lurched forward and promptly started throwing up into the ocean.

The boat swayed.

My head reeled.

Slobber ran down my chin.

Somewhere in the distance I heard a collective gasp.

I turned to see the entire population of the boat starting at me – pointing, clapping, cheering. Only the Mothership was still; she was still in shock. I was so embarrassed that I wanted to die, so obviously I ran into the tiny bathroom on board and puked some more instead.

When I finally regained my composure and came out, one of the travellers came up to me and said, “Hey, thanks for that!”. What! How dare this imbecile make fun of the mighty Yoda! I was reaching for my lightsaber when I noticed Dalek wildly flailing his arms to attract my attention. Puzzled and angry, I fixed the traveller with a burning glare and marched to him and the still-shocked Mothership. Dalek, as usual, completely ignored my predicament and started rambling which made everything clear.

Long story short, when I vomited into the ocean, it attracted a lot of fish and apparently, a shark or two, to the surface with the promise of a hearty meal. Naturally, everyone on the boat was thrilled and excited about spotting marine life in, well, the ocean. Apparently, some of them took videos and photographs of the incident. A nice gentleman even offered to share those pictures with me, but I told him to go shove it into his reef instead.

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The day ends with a red sky – the colour of anger

That, dear Reader, concludes the story. I sincerely hope you learn to deal with unsavoury incidents with grace and composure, just like I did.

Wisdom and more wisdom,
Yoda

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